Hurt
by spinback
Summary: Dear Children. Clare wrote on her laptop to her twin-grown-up kids just hours before being found. This is the story of re-kindled love; a fire that was left to burn for the next thirty years to come.


_Author's Note: Two thousand, eight hundred and three words. This came to me while I was listening to Hurt by Christina Aguilera in a coffee shop. First it was just about Clare's dad dying, but I wanted to make it more depth. Hopefully you like where it ends as much as I do.

_Summary: Dear Children. Clare wrote on her laptop to her twin-grown-up kids just hours before being found. This is the story of re-kindled love; a fire that was left to burn for the next thirty years to come. 

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><p><strong>Hurt<br>A KelsBee Piece.  
>Clare's POV<strong>**  
><strong>**One shot****.**

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><p>At first, I thought I was dreaming. She couldn't have been there. She'd been crying before I got to the office. She looked different from the last time I had seen her. My sister. Darcy. She was gone for two years. Africa. A faraway place where she didn't have to watch Mom and Dad separate. Then divorce. Then Mom marrying Glen. Who knew what happened to Dad when I wasn't at the condo. Even when I was at the condo, I didn't see much of him. Work. He was always there. Or with Stacie. His girlfriend. And secretary.<p>

In the last six months, I'd probably seen more of Darcy than Dad; and he was in the same country as me - in the same city.

"Clare." Her voice was flat. Her dark brown hair was dull; too much sun. Her hazel eyes glittered with tears. Her lips were chapped. She looked skinnier. The image of her filled my mind with memories of her in the hospital - after she tried to die and Manny found her.

"What are you doing here?" I was still convinced this wasn't real. Darcy said she'd never leave Africa for anything; all because Peter went from her to Mia in 30 seconds. She acted as if it was a car; 0 to 200 miles per hour in 30 seconds or less. And that's what it was; Darcy was Christian, and Mia was a model - and a mom. No sex-life to sex-life with the click of a button to erase all those memories.

"Not happy to see me?" She looked more hurt than before.

I shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure you are. I've been falling asleep in class a lot lately. I'm probably dreaming. Connor, if I'm talking in my sleep again, wake me, okay?" Nothing. I was awake.

"That hurts." She shook her head, "I have some news. It's going to hurt when you first hear it. And that pain will get worse over time. Maybe not in the minutes after, but the months or years for sure. You should sit down."

"I'll stand." Instead, I was leaning against the wall of the guidance office. Ms. Suave was out for the day, leaving Darcy and I to talk.

"It's about Dad." I raised an eye brow. "He and Stacie died. They were in a car accident a few days ago; driving back from their honeymoon in Vegas." I didn't even know my dad was getting married. "I got the call the day it happened and jumped on the first flight I could get."

Bang. Pain. Hurting. Suffering. He was gone. And I didn't have anyone to cry to - other than Darcy. No boyfriend. No best friend. Nobody. Just me.

Tears. Heartburn. Choking. That's just the start of the feeling. Betrayal. Anguish. Regret. Those came soon after. I felt my way out of the room, groping the wall to the classroom three doors down. I needed someone. Anyone. Inside Miss Oh's room, people were everywhere. I know because I felt their beating little eyes on me. I'd long since been known as Little Edwards.

"Clare? Clare, are you okay?" The familiar voice echoed. I choked on words, not getting a syllable out. The person who belonged to the voice wrapped their arms around me, petting my hair. "It's okay, Clare. It's okay. You're okay." My eyes blurred jet black hair and blue fabric. The touch felt right. This person escorted me out of the media room to the glass enclosure, sitting me on JT's memorial stone.

"My dad... He's... My dad... Darcy told me..." Thoughts were never finished. The boy with me held me close, brushing the tears off of my swelling cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

"It's okay. Don't talk." I'd been in a situation like this with him before. It was slightly different; him crying, in a hearse, over something that wasn't true. But here, we were in a glass room for the school to see. And I was crying over the truth. I wasn't completely innocent in the past situation. Had I not invited Fitz in to dry his clothes, Eli never would have walked in to show me the new ending to Stalker/Angel and found him on my couch, and Fitz never would have told him we had a spiritual connection. Fitz was wrong though. My spiritual connection was with Eli; Eli had found me every time something went wrong. The divorce, the shooting at prom that hurt Adam, and the break ups with Jake. He was always there, waiting on the sidelines patiently until the QB1 got injured. Then, just like Superman, he'd swoop in and save the day.

It must have been at least thirty minutes of sitting there, crying in my ex-boyfriend's arms when the tears subsided and I could speak. "My sister came back from Africa. She was in the guidance office. She looked sick, and when she told me that our dad died a few days ago, I felt the way she looked." His hand rubbed a numb patch on my back as he listened.

The rest of the day, he was by my side. Leaving his usual companion, Imogen, and new friend Fiona on the side. Not that they seemed to mind, with their lovey-dovey-coupliness[1]. He didn't need to speak, his presence was enough to keep me together. At lunch, for the first time since the breakup, Adam joined us in Mrs. Dawes classroom. It was like we were back in the tenth grade and nothing bad had ever happened.

For weeks we did this. He was waiting outside my classrooms when I got out, my next classes books already in his hand. He got Bullfrog to drive me home after school, so he'd know I got home safe. He attended the funeral, even though he'd only met my father three times. He held my hand, fingers entwined as Randall Edwards was placed in the ground.

Darcy was right. The pain hit hard. And it got harder as days turned to weeks that turned to months. By the time I had started my senior year, I had grown dependent on Eli that I didn't know how I was going to make it through my half days. Our rekindled relationship started at the funeral, officially; unofficially, the day I found out. Luckily for me, Eli decided to take a year off and work to earn the money for his tuition at U of T the year after I graduated.

"Adam will be with you. You two have all the same classes, you're gonna be okay, Clare." He promised me every morning when we crawled out of bed. I moved out of my mom's house the day Jake told her and Glen that he got Marisol pregnant and she needed a place to live. Darcy moved home, taking her room back; Jake and Marisol moved into mine. I'd lived with Eli in his parents' house for almost six months when I went back to Degrassi. The only person I had on my side was Adam. He was the only one who understood my silence to anyone but Eli and him. I hadn't gone mute, I just hadn't said any unneeded words.

On the first day of senior year, Eli drove Adam and myself to the front doors in his new hearse, Morticia.[2] His warm lips swept against the shell of my ear, "I'm just a text away." And I climbed out of the death-mobile behind Adam, then watched it speed away into the day.

"New year, New-ish uniform, New Adam."[3] He winked at me, trying to get a smile or laugh. I did neither. He walked me into the building and to my locker, helping me with my books. Alli was already in the art room when we got there with Jenna by her side. We took our seats in the back, hiding away from the teacher's glance. Mrs. Dawes transferred to Sir John A MacDonald[4] in Hamilton over the summer, gaining Degrassi a new face.

Mrs. Hockey[5], a short woman, walked in. Her voice boomed, despite her size. She was in and out of the room every few minutes, never staying long enough to notice if someone was missing. The rest of the day included teachers from previous years; Miss Oh for media, Mr. B for physics, Coach Armstrong for Physical Hour, and Mrs. Hockey for art, English and Drama.

Up to Christmas break went smoothly, my grades not slipping in any way. The week before Christmas break, I lost days' worth of sleep studying for finals. I only had two, but I needed to make sure I got perfect scores.

I spent the holidays with the Goldsworthy's. Their house was decorated traditionally, much like my mother's home years before. Eli and I dropped by my mom's home to see Darcy and Mom on Boxing Day. Mom was surprised - to say the least - when I told her I was still waiting for marriage. She'd thought for sure I would have given it up to Eli after we moved in together. I didn't go back after that, offended by her words.

The new semester started, my studies got harder. Calculus, American History, Chemistry and Dance. It was an easier semester if you counted classes. It was harder if you looked at the classes. I still managed to keep a straight A average, and work regular hours at the Dot. By spring break, Eli and I had moved into our own apartment between Degrassi and the Dot. By graduation, Eli had enough saved up for his tuition, books and a year's rent; only needing a student loan for food and travel.

July seventeenth.

I'll never forget the day. It was the same day I'd gone to the doctor. I was sitting at home, waiting for Eli to come home from work. He was an hour late. He was never late. So I started calling people. First, Bullfrog. He worked with his dad. Except, Eli hadn't shown up for work. The station thought that he was sick and hadn't gotten out of bed. "I thought that's why you were calling, Clarabelle. To tell me that he forgot to call in this morning." Then I called his phone. "This is Eli and you haven't gotten a hold of me. Leave a message." Straight to voicemail. Worried, I called Dave's dad, Mr. Turner.

"Eli? Yeah, yeah, he was taken to the hospital. Someone was supposed to call you." They didn't. I didn't have any missed calls. I didn't have any voicemail. I had my phone beside me all day. Even in the doctor's office.

I grabbed my purse off the hook and bolted out the door. Outside our building, there was a cab, waiting for a rider. "Hospital, fast." He eyed me. "My sister is there having a baby, MOVE IT." I'd never lied before. But it got the man to race to the hospital, dropping me off at the Emergency entrance, waving away my money as I climbed out. Inside, I asked for Elijah Goldsworthy's room, claiming to be his new wife. The nurse told me to take a seat and a doctor would be right out to talk to me.

"Mrs. Goldsworthy?" I nodded. "I'm Dr. Chris. I'm in charge of Elijah." He took a seat beside me, clipboard on his lap. "Elijah was attacked in an alley way, he has major head injuries and has been in and out of consciousness all day. There wasn't a contact number on his insurance card." Bullshit. I filled out our insurance cards when we moved into the apartment, I know for a fact both my cell number and Bullfrog's cell number are on there. But I let him continue. "If you're up to it, you can see him, but he may not wake up while you're here, and if he does, he may not remember you." I just nodded, standing from my chair. The doctor led me toward Eli's bedside, leaving once I sat down.

He looked horrible. And I felt as horrible as he looked. I took his hand and held it in mine. He gave a slight squeeze. His green eyes were only half opened when I looked at him. "I have some news." I started just like Darcy did nine months ago. "It's going to feel weird at first, and only feel weirder as time goes on. Brace yourself. It's about you. And me. There was this moment, about three months ago. We were still living with CeCe and Bullfrog. I got my SAT scores back. They were amazing. We got caught up in the moment. For the first time, you forgot to put on a condom." A smile started on his face. "I found out this afternoon after I finished my classes."

His hand squeezed again. "Clare, it hurts." I sat on the edge of the bed, wiping away his tears for hours. The morphine kicked in, and he fell asleep. While he snoozed, I called his parents and the priest from my church. All three arrived just after Darcy did. Eli woke up when CeCe kissed his forehead.

"Baby boy, you have to marry her." They didn't know yet; they knew something I didn't, but not about the baby. "The priest is here. He's agreed to marry you here, now." He just nodded. In the sight of God, my sister and the Goldsworthy's, Elijah and I were bound together in Holy Matrimony. I stayed in the hospital for the next three days, at Eli's side. His morphine numbed mind zoning in and out. We didn't tell anyone he was there, I just waited. Until the day it happened.

I woke up to find my new husband writing on a piece of scrap paper. He shushed me when I spoke; kissed me when he was done. "Don't read it until tomorrow, okay?" I promised before he kissed me again. For hours, we lay side by side in his hospital bed, him asleep, and me reading Withering Heights. He started to get colder and colder, I just pulled the covers over his sleeping body more and more, trying to keep him warm. It wasn't until the nurse came to check on him later that I realized.

Elijah Goldsworthy was recovering, only staying the hospital to be watched over with his concussion. He was never set up to any heart monitors, or IV's. That's why it took three hours for them to realize it. On July twentieth, at seven forty three in the evening, Dr. Chris pronounced Elijah Goldsworthy three hours dead.

When he started feeling cold, he was gone. The next six months went slowly. I had moved back into the Goldsworthy house, withdrew my acceptance to the University of Toronto and used Eli's money to start college funds for our twins. CeCe and Bullfrog sued Dr. Chris for not checking his heart, which was punctured by an unseen broken rib. They won with a malpractice suit and Dr. Chris lost his job. When I gave birth on Boxing Day that year, they looked up at me with dark brown curls and unmatched eyes. Julie[6] had green, looking just like her father, while Elijah Junior[7] had a blue-green colour.

I struggled as a single mom, living off of low rate, slow paced jobs. I cried myself to sleep at night for the next twenty-seven years after he passed, sleeping in an empty bed. Adam remained my only friend; our talking had almost withered completely after Eli's funeral.

_Tell the baby our second story._Eli's handwriting sprawled across that scrap piece of paper, taped to my mirror with a picture of us at my graduation. He would have been proud of me. For raising two children who looked uncannily like him it hurt, alone. I never went to college, or university. All I had to show for my hard work at Degrassi was the straight A's, never touched again. My only wedding was in a hospital room, in a floral sweater and blue dress, while he wore a hospital gown. My only children looked so much like their father, looking at them was a chore for the first months of their lives.

Today marks the twenty ninth year of me learning of my father's death. Tomorrow will be the first day of mine.

My name is Clare Diana Goldsworthy, and I found out I was suffering from a severe broken heart the day my children were born. Dr. Van Zandt[8], who delivered Julie and EJ, told me it would take years to recover, or years for it to kill me.

And just like Eli had known hours before his death, I know mine. And this is the story to my children, explaining why Elijah Goldsworthy was never home.

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><p>_Author's Note: Phew! I cried. Did you?<p>

**EXPLANATIONS**:  
>1- Let's say Fimogen is happening, `kay? `Kay.<br>2- The female version of Morty; maybe Clare named her  
>3- Paige line :P<br>4- It's a real school, my cousin goes there,  
>5- She's real, that's my cousin's teacher<br>6- Close enough to Julia that it helps her think of Eli.  
>7- If the love of your life died while you were pregnant, wouldn't you name your baby after him?<br>8- Liberty went on to become a doctor, duh.


End file.
